


Caught in Your Throat

by Noruway



Category: ASTRO (Band), K-pop
Genre: (sorry myungjin), Angst, Aroha Writers Secret Santa 2020, Binsanhyuk, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Ddankong sub-unit, I'd like to apologize to our lord and savior Jinjin, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Polyamory, Sad Park Minhyuk | Rocky, he's just mentioned I'm sorry, one-sided MyungWoo if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noruway/pseuds/Noruway
Summary: Minhyuk's words are meant for Sanha.But they're being sung by Bin.>><<Prompt: Minhyuk wrote a song for Sanha & Bin’s upcoming album and had meant for it to be a confession of his feelings for the maknae. What he hadn’t meant for was to watch his best friend and the love of his life fall in love with each other as each time they performed it on stage the fan service became less and less about the fans and more and more about each other…
Relationships: Moon Bin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Moon Bin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha, Moon Bin/Yoon Sanha, Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34
Collections: Aroha Writers Secret Santa 2020





	Caught in Your Throat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catbean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbean/gifts).



Minhyuk’s words are meant for Sanha.

Such has been the case with many of the lyrics he’s written before, even the words Minhyuk has spoken have all been somewhat connected to his maknae, ever since he was able to label his feelings for him as more than just platonic love. He’s known the warmth in his heart is due to more than brotherly affection for years by this point, but Minhyuk has never felt the urgency to confess, content with taking what Sanha is willing to give. Still, that won’t stop him from writing secret love letters to the younger every chance he gets. So, yes, Minhyuk’s words are meant for Sanha.

But they’re being sung by Bin.

Minhyuk watches the broadcast with something dark and heavy settling in his gut. He watches how Bin moves with the grace he’s honed through rigorous practice, and remembers how he was right there with him. They’d laughed and smiled and vowed to debut together. Those days were rough, and yet Bin kept a grin on his face as they bolstered each other’s spirits. Minhyuk wonders if he should’ve told Bin about his feelings for Sanha.

Because Sanha-- oh, _Sanha._ He dances with an energy that Rocky just wants to _absorb._ The maknae is so dedicated, so talented, so… so _everything_ and Minhyuk wishes he could be a part of his powerful presence for every performance. To be beside Sanha, as they harmonize and face each other, and Minhyuk confesses to him in the best way he knows how, except--

Minhyuk isn’t there. He’s not the one on stage, singing with Sanha, dancing with Sanha, _flirting_ with Sanha.

Bin steps a little closer to Sanha than the choreo calls for. Minhyuk knows, because he’d attended every single practice, recording, and meeting regarding the sub-unit’s comeback all the way until promotions. How Minhyuk hadn’t seen this coming, he has no idea. Perhaps, he’d been too swept up in the idea of Sanha singing words straight from Minhyuk’s soul. Or maybe, Bin had distracted him by how excited he was to release a mini-album with the maknae.

Either way, nothing could have stopped the empty feeling permeating his chest the longer he watches Bin blatantly flirt with Sanha during a live show.

Of course, Bin flirting with the other members isn’t exactly new. Hell, Rocky has flirted and been flirted with many times by Bin, and he’s never taken the teasing seriously. But Minhyuk _knows_ Sanha. The younger is easily flustered, turns red as a tomato in the face of any form of affection, and never goes too heavy on skinship.

Which is why Minhyuk was confused, at first, to see Sanha watching Bin with half-lidded eyes during their first performance. Sanha was the first to start increasing the fanservice throughout the performance, and Minhyuk felt his heart sink.

Now, in their sixth performance, Minhyuk has grown mostly numb to the dull ache of heartbreak. He knows he should stop watching, should stop thinking of how Bin and Sanha will come back later and be attached at the hip, as if all the time they spend together could never be enough.

Before, when the three of them were in the dorms, Rocky would crawl into Sanha’s bed, and they’d cuddle and talk for hours. Bin would often join them, sometimes team up with Minhyuk to tickle the life out of the youngest, though he’d never felt like an intruder.

Bin feels like an intruder, now, and Minhyuk hates himself for thinking that way.

Minhyuk stopped crawling into Sanha’s bed after the second time he went to discover Bin already occupying his usual space. If he couldn’t handle hearing the pair giggle without him, he’d move to Dongmin’s room, or maybe the couch, just to spend the night somewhere that didn’t fill his mind with memories of what things were like before.

 _No,_ he thinks, because despite his own feelings being a mess right now, he could never discount how deep his relationship with Sanha runs. Even if the extent of the younger’s feelings is friendship, that friendship is _real,_ and Sanha would never abuse it for something as petty as a crush.

He’s staring blankly through the television when he hears the door to the dorm click closed. Muttering a curse under his breath, Minhyuk glances over his shoulder to see Dongmin sliding on a pair of slippers. He’d completely forgotten that Dongmin’s schedule ends early, today.

“I’m home,” Dongmin calls in the soft, soothing tone his voice always seems to have. He smiles at Minhyuk, despite the latter standing suspiciously in the middle of the living room.

“Heeyyy…” he responds, slowly sinking into the couch.

Raising an eyebrow, Dongmin’s eyes drift beyond Minhyuk to the TV, still showing the last few seconds of Bin and Sanha’s performance. Understanding washes over Dongmin’s face, and he moves to plop onto the couch beside him. “You’ve got to stop watching the broadcasts, Rocky-yah.”

Minhyuk groans, falling into Dongmin’s side like it’s second nature, the other’s hand wrapping around his shoulders in turn.

“I can’t just _stop_ watching. I still have to support their comeback.”

Dongmin casts him a sideward glare, and Minhyuk shivers. “So support them when they’re home. They won’t know whether or not you watched, anyways, since you’ve started avoiding them like the plague.”

Blood rushes to Minhyuk’s ears, shoulders hunching in defense. “Well, _excuse me,_ but it’s a little hard watching the person I’ve loved for _years_ fall in love with my best friend without yelling or crying or both.”

“I know.”

And, yeah, Minhyuk _knows_ he knows, because he was the one who listened to all of Dongmin’s rants and late-night breakdowns back when he’d been going through the crisis of falling in love with Myungjun and, in turn, learning more about his own sexuality. Dongmin has since moved past his attraction, but part of Minhyuk suspects he’ll always have a special place in his heart for their hyung.

So, when Rocky needed someone to talk to about his feelings for Sanha before he exploded, he naturally went to Dongmin, who’s now the only one to know about Minhyuk’s predicament. 

Minhyuk closes his eyes, watching the light move behind his eyelids. “I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming, but it hurts a hell of a lot more than I would’ve thought. I mean, Bin’s my closest friend, and he’s honestly the perfect man. Shouldn’t I be happy Sanha’s at least falling for someone who’s good enough for him?”

“First of all,” Dongmin begins, shifting the arm trapped behind Minhyuk’s back, “you’re allowed to feel upset about this. Don’t think you have to be happy just because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do. As long as you aren’t blaming them for something they had no knowledge or control over, it’s okay to feel bad. Second of all, have you considered that, maybe, you’re not frustrated because Sanha’s falling for Bin-- but because _you_ are?”

Minhyuk widens his eyes, appalled by the mere _thought_ that he could have feelings for his best friend. “What? No! That’s- what- how can you even say that?!”

Dongmin’s scrutinizing gaze doesn’t let up, his laser focus sending a shiver down Minhyuk’s spine. Seriously, he wonders if anyone else is subjected to that hard stare as much as himself. But then, Dongmin softens, relaxing more into the couch. “Think about it, Rocky. You didn’t seem so bothered when you got to join them during practice. Now that they’re in the midst of performing without you, are you more upset that they’re getting closer to each other, or that you’re not a part of it?”

Although Minhyuk’s reflexive response is to argue, to deny the accusation with as much fire as he can muster, the words nestle themselves deep inside his brain, and he can’t help but notice how his heart accepts them as the truth. “That’s not…” But he can’t even finish his sentence, because he knows. And, god, does reality hurt like a bitch.

Shaken by the realization, Minhyuk slumps into Dongmin’s chest. A pair of comforting arms wrap around his torso as quiet, searing tears slide down his face and wet his nose.

“It’s okay,” Dongmin whispers, over Minhyuk’s gasping breaths and sniffles. “You’ll be okay.”

>>><<<

Three days later, everything comes to a head.

Dinners haven’t necessarily been awkward. Jinjin and Dongmin talk plenty about Bin and Sanha, asking them questions about their day or how they’re feeling about the unit. Minhyuk’s usually able to tune that out, with a few added nods or grunts whenever he’s addressed directly. Myungjun, as always, keeps the energy and positivity high, despite his own exhaustion from weeks of packed schedules, and Minhyuk manages to forget about his situation for a while.

Tonight, as always, he sees Bin steal Sanha away to his room. Except, now, he’s thinking of how nice it’d be to cuddle _both_ of them. To hold Sanha like he’s still a thin teenager, running his hands through bleached hair until the maknae drifts off to sleep. To feel Bin on his other side, one comforting arm wrapped around him and Sanha with ease. The image sends a flush to his cheeks, so he hurriedly washes up and retreats to his bed, ignoring Dongmin’s inquisitive stare.

Minhyuk passes an hour or two flipping through the various apps on his phone, since any hope of sleep is still a long way off. The door cracks open, and Minhyuk glances down, expecting Myungjun to barge in and start rifling for something that’s probably been buried in the creases of his comforter for the better part of two years.

What he sees instead is Sanha timidly peeking his head in the room. Minhyuk is entirely unprepared (although the room is _technically_ also Sanha’s, the maknae hasn’t stayed in his own bed for at least a week), and promptly drops his phone on his face.

As he fumbles to regain his composure, Minhyuk hears the door shut and footsteps approach, before a heavy weight settles beside him. Alarmed, he whips his head around to face Sanha, now lying on his side, facing Minhyuk with a pleading gaze. Neither of them say a word, both aware of the tension that’s formed between them. Finally, Minhyuk gives in to his bleeding heart and stretches out an arm, inviting Sanha to rest against him. It’s something they’d do back before the Ddankong sub-unit, when they were still comfortable with each other.

Sanha takes the opportunity with visible relief, nestling himself in the space Minhyuk has offered. The pair lie like that for what feels like hours, and Minhyuk revels in the drag of his hand across the younger’s scalp, soothed by petting his hair. In a way, the moment seems completely separate from reality, as though they’ve been pulled into a dimension where time and schedules are irrelevant, leaving only the two of them.

“Hyung?” Sanha breathes the word into his neck, voice croaky from a long day of use. Minhyuk tears his attention away from how soft the younger’s hair feels as he runs his fingers through it, grunting a loose affirmation that he’s listening. When Sanha doesn’t continue speaking, Minhyuk shifts to where he can see the former’s droopy eyelids and pursed lips.

“Sanha?” he tries, but the younger just buries his head deeper into the crook of Minhyuk’s neck. “Ddana, come on. What’s wrong?”

Reluctantly, he lifts his head to make eye contact with Rocky, and the latter can’t help but ache a little at how vulnerable his friend looks. “It’s just-” Sanha inhales deeply, screwing his eyes shut for a brief moment. “I don’t deserve this, do I, hyung?”

Minhyuk’s eyebrows pull together, not quite understanding what he’s being asked. Seeing this, Sanha continues.

“This sub-unit with Bin-hyung, I don’t get it. I mean, Binnie-hyung definitely deserves the extra promotion, so I get it, but I’m-- I’m just not as talented, okay? Wouldn’t you or Jinjin-hyung have been better to pair with him?”

Now that he’s got the chance to really study Sanha’s face for the first time in a while, Minhyuk notices the emptiness that’s filled his eyes, as if he’s just going through the motions of living. And it’s terrifying, that expression, because Minhyuk has seen Sanha like this before. All of them have, but Sanha’s been doing so well for such a long time. He wonders how no one has managed to pick up on such a change in attitude. Or maybe, though it kills Minhyuk to consider, the other members _have_ noticed, and it’s just _himself_ who hasn’t.

“Ddana--” he starts, only for his words to be cut off.

“You think so, too, right?” Sanha states, voice dull. “That’s why you don’t spend time with me and Bin anymore. And- and I understand, I really do. I know I don’t deserve this kind of spotlight like you do, so you have every right to be mad at me. But Bin-hyung misses you, too, so if you wanna hang out with him again, I’ll start keeping my distance outside of schedules-”

Having heard enough of Sanha’s self-deprecation, Minhyuk squishes the younger’s face between his palms to shut him up. The action seems to shock some life back into Sanha’s eyes, which is a small victory for Minhyuk’s guilty conscience. 

“Listen to me,” he commands, watching as Sanha morphs from shocked to confused. “You are worthy of every opportunity you’re given, because you’re an incredibly talented and hard-working person. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is just envious of you. I could never, _never_ be upset with you over something so petty, so stop thinking that right now.”

Once he releases Sanha’s face, the latter rubs his red cheeks furiously and sits up, and Minhyuk can’t help the tiny grin the sight brings to his face. But then Sanha’s staring right back at him, expression pinched and more upset than he’d been previously.

“Then _why?”_ he whimpers, and Minhyuk is almost certain his heart physically cracks when the younger’s eyes go glassy. “If you don’t hate me, then- then why, hyung?! You haven’t spoken to me _or_ Bin-hyung in months! It’s like you just- you just stopped caring. Don’t you wanna be our friend anymore? Or-”

Panicking, Minhyuk’s mind goes blank in the face of Sanha’s questioning, and he does the only thing his instincts are telling him to stop the younger from yelling his ears off.

He grabs Sanha by the back of the neck, using it to leverage himself up and smash their lips together. As soon as Minhyuk registers his own actions, he freezes in mortification, rather than pulling away from Sanha’s rigid body like he probably should. Seconds pass like decades, and slowly, _slowly,_ Sanha melts into the kiss, hesitantly sliding his lips against Minhyuk’s cold ones. The sensation sparks some function back into his brain cells, and as much as Minhyuk’s entire being is shouting at him to keep kissing Sanha, he’s rational enough to jerk back before things go too far.

 _“Hyung…”_ His eyes snap open at the dizzy rush that shoots through his veins at the breathy call, and _no, nope, do NOT think about that right now._

“Sanha,” Minhyuk answers, bracing his hands on the younger’s arm to pull his focus back. As Sanha regains his senses, Minhyuk watches the blush rise from his pale neck all the way to the tips of his ears. A noise akin to that of a strangled goose sounds in Sanha’s throat, right before the younger hides his face behind his palms, halfway hidden by his long sleeves. 

Minhyuk sighs, resigned to spilling his well-kept secret because of his stupid impulsive brain. “I love you,” he says, expression serious. Sanha makes another dying-animal noise. “But…” he takes a deep breath, bracing himself to admit something he still hasn’t fully accepted, “I think I’m falling for Bin, too.”

At that, Sanha pauses, dropping his hands to study Minhyuk’s face. Long past feeling embarrassed, Minhyuk just waits numbly for the inevitable disgust and resentment.

Sanha leans forward, cupping Minhyuk’s face and pressing their foreheads together. Heat flows between them, their breaths mingling as they share flushed cheeks and noses. Minhyuk’s heart flutters, unwilling to acknowledge the hope budding in his heart.

“I love you, too, hyung,” Sanha whispers, and though Minhyuk definitely feels sated by the words, part of him is still waiting, wishing for something more. “...and I love Bin-hyung, too.”

Instead of the gut-wrenching agony he’s feared he might experience at the statement, Minhyuk feels as if he’s finally found the missing piece of his puzzle. Because, yes, he most definitely is in love with Sanha, but they’re both falling for Bin. Which is fucking bizarre, he knows, but it’s not like either of them chose their feelings. Minhyuk’s just happy to have resolved everything with Sanha.

“So what does that mean for us?” Sanha asks, nibbling at his lower lip. Minhyuk resists the urge to use his thumb to pull it free.

“We have to tell Bin.” At the worry that creeps back onto Sanha’s face, he tries to give a reassuring smile. “If I’ve learned anything from these weeks of hell, it’s that hiding our feelings will only hurt us and the people around us. So we’ll tell Bin, ask him out, and go from there. Ok?”

Sighing, the tension drains from Sanha’s shoulders, and he nods. “Ok.” After a moment’s hesitation, he adds, “...boyfriend.” 

Minhyuk grins wolfishly. “Glad we’re on the same page,” he breathes, pushing his face forward to press another sweet kiss against the younger’s mouth. Sanha hums, sneaking his arms forward to lock around Minhyuk’s torso as the pair exchange soft presses of lips.

Suddenly, the door busts open, and the two scramble apart, trying to shake the redness from their skin. Bin stands in the doorway for a few seconds with a huge grin, before bounding over to the bed and tackling both of them down in one go.

“Yah!” Rocky screams, caught beneath one of Bin’s massive biceps. Sanha squirms, unfortunately trapped under Bin’s chest.

“I’m so glad you guys worked everything out! My babies are gonna make the cutest couple~” Bin congratulates them, unaware of the shared glance between his captives. “Does this mean we can all finally hang out again? Or are you lovebirds gonna need your alone time, huh?”

“Actually,” Rocky begins, because at this point, fuck subtlty, “we were thinking we could… _all_ go on a date? Like, the three of us?” 

Bin pushes himself upright, somehow still caging the other two in with his arms. His eyebrows are furrowed, and Sanha looks absolutely mortified that Minhyuk just spilled the beans. “You two… want to go on a date? Together? With me? I’m not missing anything, right?”

The pair stare up at him with a mixture of panic, embarrassment, and bashfulness on each of their faces. Eventually, Sanha opens his mouth to respond. “Yes…?”

Bin takes the news in stride, simply nodding as he mulls the proposition over. Meanwhile, Minhyuk feels his pulse racing at how fast everything is happening. He hasn’t even spoken about everything with Sanha, and now he’s confessed to Bin, and _oh god Sanha looks like he’s going to pass out--_

“Let’s do it.”

A minute or so passes as Minhyuk and Sanha let the response sink in. Minhyuk gapes at Bin’s brilliant smile, while Sanha actually squeals and surges up to plant a wet kiss on Bin’s cheek. Minhyuk still can’t quite process whatever just happened. “For- for real?”

Nodding Bin allows his body weight to fall and crush the pair beneath him again, eliciting twin groans of protest. “Yeah! To be honest, I’ve never really thought of dating two people at once, but I’ve been crushing on you two for a while, so… Worth a shot, right?”

At last, Minhyuk feels a grin split across his face, his heart finally content. Beside him, Sanha sighs out a heaving breath. “I’m so glad all that’s over. I don’t think I could’ve handled anymore stress.”

Minhyuk furrows his brows, guilt creeping in once again. “I’m sorry.” 

Bin grumbles and pinches his side, and he jolts at the sharp pain. “Yah, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Everything’s okay, now, right?”

“I guess…” Minhyuk agrees, though he knows it’ll take a bit for his guilt for making Sanha upset to fade. The reply seems to appease Bin, though, who squeezes them in a sweaty, claustrophobic hug.

They all sleep in Minhyuk’s bed, that night, Myungjun mysteriously not returning to the room for some reason. Minhyuk suspects that Dongmin had something to do with that, but he’ll let it slide, for now. For the first time in a long time, Minhyuk gets a restful night’s sleep, squished against the wall with three grown men occupying his bed. He has one last thought as his world goes hazy:

Minhyuk’s words are meant for Sanha and Bin.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Megs!! I hope you like this, or at least this is a little like what you had in mind ^^; I honestly had a great time writing this, since I haven't really had the chance to write anything Rocky-centered yet. Plus, I love a good, healthy poly ship haha.
> 
> So I really hope you liked it! Hope your winter is as magical as BinSan's comeback~
> 
> (also I really hope you don't mind me adding in a pinch on MyungWoo, it kinda just,,, felt right? idk i'm sorry ;^; )


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